1.4 Now & Then

The Sun rises into the air, throwing a dash of orange and yellow across the blue canvas stretching above, signalling the start of yet another day. During this time of year, the Sun seemed to draw the Earth that much closer to its rays of heat. The colony of birds responsible for waking the small island have brought their concert to an end as they get low to escape the ball of fire above. Changing their profession from opera singer to gymnast, they dip and weave through the air dipping their bellies in the cool water as if mocking the late Icarus. The Condominium that was GoodLuck Garden is a haven for times like these. This massive area was home to a collection of houses and utilities. The Northern side of the area boasted a set of rustic, heaven reaching apartment buildings facing the stretching row of houses each three stories tall on the Southern Side. Looking right back at the towering buildings, the army of houses all share a rolling sea of grass. Between the two forces hold an array of spaces yearning to take your time from you, an ocean of blue water, a badminton court to settle feuds and a colossal field of trimmed grass.

Past the front yard of where I called home lies a pavement which leads to the one tool that helped those get through such scorching days. The Pool. Twisting toward the pool is a beautiful path to walk upon. The white-tiled path welcomes the bare-footed people walking upon it. The path is a portal that teleported those that strode across it into a rich and dense forest. To the right of the path stands a proud set of trees flaunting the beauties that they bore high in their branches and leaves. Wafts of ripe mango flow into the nostrils. More yellow than even the sun ahead they sit, waiting for their demise as the countless children scale the mountain to reach them. Next to the mangoes is an army of rambutan sitting as high. The beautiful egg-shaped fruits boast a bright red and green glow, that that is alien to most of the world. At the end of the path lies the so sought for destination. Light from the malicious sun refracts off the blue water. The elegant amoeba-shaped pool bares countless residents beating the heat.The pool is the home to these people Long after the sun begins to cower behind the horizon.

During the tropical rainy season, the sun is now missed despite the past resentment. The melancholy voices of the birds in the distance is not heard over the strong pitter-patter on the roof above every family in Goodluck. In their homes, families lie confused about why they had woken up when it still seemed to be night time. Peering outside settles their confusion. Clouds of thick oil stick to the ceiling of the world giving the deep blue no opportunities to seep through. The tops of the apartment, now smothered by the ominous clouds are mysteries. Tension so thick you could cut it with a knife, is sending deep shivers through each and everybody. What would happen next is the question currently racing through every resident’s brain. God will answer.

From the heavens above came a noise that struck fear into the hearts of those hearing it. Racing into ears and engaging in a fight with the eardrums, it’s goal to burst its enemy. A cracking sound from the sky, an earthquake of sound. Ozone now lingers in the lower atmosphere. Knowing full well what was to happen next, the island trembles as one. Pure light shoots down from the clouds, a natural contrast of black and white. Eyes locked on the breathtaking show of nature, children and adults are dropping what they are doing and begin to stare in awe. Lightning illuminates the world above in a shower of white. Zigzagging toward the earth, the lightning searches for a home. In less time than it takes to blink, the white surge of energy strikes the pool of GoodLuck Garden. Wielding a godly amount of electricity, the pool flashes a blinding blue.

The sound comes a full second after, crackling with power. The electrons shedding off are hearable. The ripe smell of fruit is now muted by the ozone as it invades the noses of everyone in Goodluck. They don’t even notice. As the kids continue to stare in shock, the minds of the adults are elsewhere. Death would be on the lightning’s hands if anyone were to have decided to go for a swim. Mother Nature continues her light show for the rest of the day though none compared to the first strike. Warm rain meanders down from the sky for the rest of the day. As the day stretches on, The drumming of thunder begins to happen less frequently and hole in the blanket of darkness becomes visible. A nostalgic deep blue grows in this whole until a ray of light shines through. This time, a colony of smiles welcomes the sun.

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Hi Toby,

You have made the most of the first couple of periods. Nice work!

A few things to think about:

– Make sure your writing is in the same tense throughout the piece. At the moment, you are switching between past and present. I encourage you to write the whole thing in the present tense, like you are describing the scene in real-time.

– Vary your sentence starters so that the piece has better flow and each sentence leads into the one that follows.

– Try to develop a mood in your scene. You can do this by picking a ‘theme’ for your vocabulary and language devices to centre around. You want to be consistent with this.

Mrs. P

Hi Toby,

It is good to see that you have made progress since I last checked this piece. Your time change is distinct and your piece fits the task well.

During your final four periods of writing, I encourage you to think about:

– You still have issues with your tenses. Look to write in the continuous present, as if the scene is happening right now. This will help you to present the scene with a more ‘active’ voice.

– Try to avoid always beginning your sentence with the subject (the thing/person that the sentence is about). Vary your sentence starters so that the piece has better flow and each sentence leads into the one that follows.

– You have some moments where your language choices do not compliment each other and this is confusing. You need to think about how you can create a distinct and consistent atmosphere in both pieces.

– You need to focus on clarity. At times, the description of your scene is lost due to the over-embellishment in your syntax. Leave time to edit your work so that it becomes more streamlined and fluid.

Mrs. P

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